I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
