for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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