Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
