She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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