Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
