My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
