yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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