fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
