The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
