i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
