I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
