I didn't shave. On purpose
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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