Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
