I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
