i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
