I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
