i permit you to call me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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