More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
