I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
