so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
