I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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