just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
