I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
