Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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