Michael Bay diarrhea
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I deserve this hangover.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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