I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
