oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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