woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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