Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
