I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
