i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
