you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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