Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
