i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
