okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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