just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
