i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
