you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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