help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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