he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
