So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
