theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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