If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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