Only a mothe r could love this liver
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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