Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
