his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
