i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
