If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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