I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
