Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize