so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
