Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
