A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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