i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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