based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
