Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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