he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
