ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
