soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
