tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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