So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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