What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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