I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
