sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
