haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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